My Unborn Fetal Child

Today I received pictures of what is known as in some circles as a "fetus" or "substantial tax credit".
She will be my firstborn!

In spite of my parents cautioning me not to do so, and against my better judgement, I decided to reproduce.

Now I know what you are thinking... why would someone like myself, who has had such a terribly painful heartbreaking upbringing decide to bring a child in to the world?

Excellent question! And there are actually a lot of reasons...

For one, unless I have one kid, I will never have three kids. And I have to have three kids. If I don't have three kids, I will never have a middle child. If I didn't have a middle child, I will never have anyone to shower with praise. Nor will I have an oldest and youngest in which to, (in the words of Homer Simpson) mock and boo until my throat is soar.

Two, I hate yard work. Hate it! My dad used to make me trim the bougainvillea in the front yard with my bare hands. This he said would create within me a good sense of "stick-to-it-tive-ness." Anyway, ever since then I have despised yard work. Thus children.

Reason Three for having children is probably the most important. And financially smart.

I have three nephews, (soon to be five). And the oldest, back when he was only two was sitting with me on the couch while I played 360. As I bested my foes in a rousing game of Battlefield II the most amazing thing happened. He got up from the couch, went to the kitchen, and next thing I know he was standing in front of me with a beer.

"For me?" I asked, as a single tear fell from my eye.

He had noticed that my beer was low, gone to the fridge without even being asked, and took it upon himself to get me a new one. Wow, I thought to myself... If it can get beers, what else can it do? And that is when I decided to open a sweat shop in my basement.

(The middle nephew, look in his eyes, he is already as jaded as I am... poor kid. He will make an excellent addition to the factory.)